Leading by Example: The New Approach to Leadership

The meeting started late, the room was tense, and the deadline was ugly. Our manager—new to the role—closed her laptop, looked at each of us, and said, “Tell me what I’m missing.” No slide deck. No blame. Just a real question. In that moment, the room changed. People sat up. One by one, we spoke. She didn’t fix every problem. She made it safe to care—and we did the rest.

That’s what leading by example looks like in real life. It’s not the loudest voice. It’s the bravest listener.

The Core: Lead From the Inside Out

In Thriving!, Rand Selig doesn’t start with tactics. He starts with choice. “We have the power to make choices and thrive, but only if we are willing to think, see ourselves and the situation clearly, take responsibility for ourselves, and take action.” That’s the beginning of real leadership—owning how you show up, then moving with courage and clarity .

Selig is open about struggle. He explains how hardship shaped him “into a more compassion[ate], humble, and grateful” person and helped him design a life aligned with his values. Leaders who’ve carried weight don’t need to act tough—they are steady because they’ve been tested .

Why “Leading by Example” Works Now

• People want a human, not a hero. The leaders we trust are real, consistent, and accountable. They keep their word. They say “I was wrong” and mean it.
• Trust grows in tiny moments. Selig compares relationships to a bank—every action is a deposit or a withdrawal. Some bonds need five deposits to offset one withdrawal; others may need twenty. Leaders who get this stop spending trust they haven’t earned and start making daily deposits: listening, clarity, follow‑through .
• “I” serves “we.” Healthy teams keep integrity while aligning around shared goals. Selig calls out the shift from “I” to “we” without losing “I”—that’s the sweet spot where personal values and team needs meet .

The Hidden Gem: Vision Is Glue (But It’s Not Enough)

Most leaders talk about vision. Few treat it like glue. Thriving! shows that strong groups hold together with two kinds of glue:

• Shared vision you keep revisiting as a team—checking if it still matches your values.
• Real bonding—doing things together that build trust and warmth: meals, stories, service, even singing. Vision without bonding is brittle; bonding without vision drifts. Bring both, and your team holds in the storm .

The Inside Work That Makes the Outside Work

Selig is clear: “the most important relationship we’ll ever have is the one with ourselves.” Self‑honesty, steady habits, and renewal are not nice-to-haves. They’re the base of your leadership—especially when the heat rises .

He also reminds us that emotions run the room. They’re contagious. “When we change our hearts and minds, we change the direction of our lives.” Your calm, curiosity, and courage spread faster than any memo ever will. Use that power wisely .

A Simple Blueprint for Empathetic Leadership

1) Model your values out loud

Selig writes his purpose plainly: “to be a role model by honoring my values and beliefs and using my unique gifts to create solutions that protect the environment and improve the quality of life.” Write your version. Share it with your team. Then live it in small ways every day .

2) Make trust a daily habit, not a speech

Do a weekly TRICK pulse with your team: Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness. Where are we strong? Where are we thin? Name one small action to improve before Friday. Keep it simple. Keep it moving .

3) Practice “deposit leadership”

Before the next tough ask, make two deposits:

• Listen fully to one person—no interruptions.
• Follow through on one small promise you already made.
  Track deposits and withdrawals like a budget. Patterns will appear—and so will trust .

4) Turn meetings into honest conversations

Selig lays out a ladder for deeper connection—from light talk to sharing real worries, hopes, and values. In your next status meeting, climb one rung: add one heartfelt question. “What’s one worry on your mind about this project? What’s one hope?” These aren’t soft. They’re alignment tools .

5) Choose the courageous next step

“It all comes down to this: to be the author of our own story, we have to take hold of the reins.” Make the best call you can with the information you have. Explain your why. Invite feedback. Then keep steering .

A Story You’ll Feel Tomorrow

A director took over a burned‑out team. Morale was low; mistakes were high. She started small: a short vision session over lunch and a five‑minute weekly TRICK check. She made steady deposits—clear praise, clear boundaries, and clear apologies when she missed something. By quarter’s end, ideas flowed again. The work didn’t get easier. The people got stronger—together .

When It’s Hard, Remember This

• Leadership is a relationship. Start with yourself. Do the honest self‑check. Care for your energy and character. That’s the root of every good decision you’ll make next .
• Your mood is the weather. If you carry storms, others get wet. If you carry clarity, others can see. Emotions move teams—use yours to steady the room .

Try This This Week

• Open your next meeting with: “What am I missing?” Listen without fixing for five minutes.
• Share one value you’re committed to this month and one small way you’ll show it.
• Run a five‑minute TRICK pulse and choose one micro‑action to improve by Friday.
• Make two deposits today: a real thank‑you and a kept promise ; .

One Bold Thought to Carry

Lead so clearly with your values that if someone spoke badly about you, your team wouldn’t believe it—and then earn that faith again tomorrow.

And if you need a spark, sit with Rand Selig’s question from Thriving!: “Could this coming year be the best year of your life thus far? What would it take for this to be so?” Ask it of yourself—and ask it with your team .